Thinktink's Thoughts

Is this thing still on?

2011-11-30T19:46:00.001-06:00

Because I know no one is reading it. Life has been interesting (?) hectic (!) different (!!). I've become a fitness nut and I love it. I'm running, I'm boot camping, I'm lifting weights, I'm cycling my ass off. Best of all I'm happy. Yes I'm still single, yes I still don't have much of a social life, yes I still have a zoo of animals. But that's just me - take it or leave it. I'm getting close to birthday 41 and I still sometimes think of all the things I might be missing out on. It doesn't help that I read blogs and twitter of younger, married ladies with adorable babies. At the end of the day, I only have myself to blame for not having that life and I can't go back in time. So instead I'll just run towards the future. And I'll look good doing it!

Age is just a number

2011-10-11T16:31:00.000-05:00

Last year was the end of my 30s. I spent all year responding to questions about turning 40 with "age is just a number". At the time I believed it. However I've recently realized that it's not just a number. When I turned 16 and could drive it wasn't just a number. When I turned 18 and could vote it wasn't just a number. It was just a number when I turned 21. I'm quite sure my mom distinctly remembers her age when she suddenly had to have a full hysterectomy. Recently my doctor reminded me that once again, age is not a number. It's not a number when it comes to talking about the closing window on getting pregnant. So while I'm still saying "age is just a number" as I approach 41, I know that next year it won't just be a number. It will be the ending of something that never happened and it makes me sad, frustrated, disappointed and empty.

Sometimes age isn't just a number, it's a feeling.

Full of something...

2011-08-14T14:33:00.000-05:00

5 days in Mexico with no Internet access made me realize I spend way too much time online. Now that I'm back I just can't seem to get interested in my self-created online world. It's a pretty small world and I'm the only inhabitant so I figure if I disappear no one will notice.

My trip was great. It did take me a day to deprogram myself - no Internet, no watching the clock, just being and doing. By Monday my just being and doing was doing wonders for me. The only downside of the trip was that I fell off my training schedule. I did work out in the hotel gym one morning and did pool aerobics one day (but that was more for the entertainment value AND I had already had several drinks before it started). I've had a hard time getting back into running and in fact yesterday had the worst run ever since I started this journey. I'm really into biking and am at least still getting some leg workout that way.

The other great part of my trip was finally feeling pretty comfortable with my body. I've been self-conscious of every little thing about myself for years. I decided all my working out warranted a true resort swimsuit - AKA a bikini. Now if only I hadn't inherited the Becker varicose vein gene. But a good tan covers up that and other flaws!

My dingy took on water and I almost drowned

2011-07-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

This past week my negative energy caught up with me. For months my life boat had been floating along in calm, blue waters with an occasional wave that I could easily float over. Then I gradually started noticing storm clouds on the horizon. Instead of thinking I could steer around them, I went towards them with anger and negativity. I stopped saying my positive mantras throughout the day, started thinking negative thoughts about myself and others, and basically did everything I knew I shouldn't be doing. My mental and physicial health started to show the signs of all this anger/negativity. The only bright spot was my consistency with my running/biking/weight training. But even that was starting to suffer because I was doing it all with a tense, angry body.

Last Tuesday it all caught up with me. While I'm quite sure my car was slammed into by Mrs. Millionaire/wife of well known banking VP because she was talking on her cell phone, part of me thinks I brought it on myself. I was back to being constantly angry about life. The "why me's" came back and I didn't do anything about it. I'm now refocused. I've blocked time on my daily schedule to just breathe and not think. I told the ex (who decided to contact me almost 3 months after he disappeared) to leave me alone and felt good about it. I recognized getting angry about my accident wouldn't solve anything and instead found the positive in all of it. I signed up to go away to Cancun for 5 days on whim because I've never taken a whim vacation in my life. I'm treating my mother to a short trip to Seattle in September because that's all I can afford to give her. I've gone back to exercising because I enjoy it, not because I'm trying to prove something to other people. I'm looking at ways to expand my professional life into something I might find daily joy in. I'm reminding myself that life is too short to spend all my time angry about things I can't change.

I'm back to taking things day by day.

Life as it is...

2011-07-08T16:37:00.000-05:00

I get so frustrated when I loose my focus and start letting life cause me stress. One day I hope to be mindful enough that I never have to stop and refocus myself.

Work has been a complete ..... I don't even know how to describe it. The lack of accountability by people and refusal to expand their thought process is really wearing me out. There is so much about my chosen career field that you either have to teach yourself or learn by exposure. I'm constantly learning something new on my own by reading, listening, observing, asking questions, and making a general fool of myself. But at least I try. That's just not the case with so many other people and it's frustrating. I know I can't change them but I also know that eventually their lack of change is either something I'm going to have to learn to work around or I'm going to have to walk away. Right now I'm trying to tackle the work around.

For the first time in forever I'm being completely spontaneous. I was asked and less than 24 hours I said yes so now I'm heading to Cancun for 4 nights/5 days with a bunch of people I don't know. I will know one person on the trip and he's not someone I've stayed in regular contact with. But I've been saying for over a year that I need a beach and preferably a beach outside of the US. This opportunity came along and instead of saying no and then beating myself up about it for months on end, I said yes. The good thing is I have a long list of books I want to read and no problem planting my ass on a beach chair and reading all day long. I can not wait.

Today was a new milestone for me - I ran a 5K this morning while doing my run at the gym. I haven't run a 5K in over 15 years so this a big deal. Even more exciting for me is the fact that I didn't go to the gym with the intention of running a 5K. Once I got started I found my groove and I got that high that I have missed so much. I just hope it comes back and sticks around for the half marathon in the fall. Best of all is that guilt I had for eating 3 cookies yesterday disappeared after I finished my run.

Moving towards some sort of goal

2011-06-27T19:08:00.000-05:00

Obviously that goal has nothing to do with updating this "blog" on a regular basis. Can I even call it a blog if I'm not an officially recognized blogger? Let's just call it a "dumping ground for thoughts" right now.

I'm still running though I haven't moved beyond 3 miles. I also haven't moved beyond the comfort of the treadmill at the rec center. I do punish myself by going at 5AM and the A/C hasn't had time to kick in so I suffer in the inside heat. I went ahead and signed up for a half marathon in the fall. At 40 I've finally decided it's time to abuse my body with regular, difficult exercise. Nothing like putting things off until the last minute. I may end up walking half the half but I do intend to finish. Now I measure everything throughout my day in miles. How many miles to the rec center? How many miles to my mom's house? How many miles is the "road closed" in my neighborhood adding to my daily mileage? By the end of this all I'll have met 2 goals - to stick to an exercise program longer than a month and to complete a half marathon. Add a 3 goal which was unknown to me when I started this whole thing - being able to accurately calculate the mileage to various locations.

Does TLC have a program on stage moms for pet parents?

2011-06-05T19:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry to interrupt this boring blog with a post about my dog. Let's face it. I don't have anything else to write about. I could really bore you (and maybe make you wonder about me) if I mentioned I've been on a marathon watching spree so that I'm caught up on "Rescue Me" before the final season starts. I could also mention how sexy I think Denis Leary is, how I'm feeling like a ridiculous teenage girl with my celebrity crush (and even more ridiculous firefighter fantasy). I could also mention that his adorable wife writes a wonderfully entertaining and witty blog.

Instead I'll just mention my dog, Farouk. I have always wanted him to be a model. He's finally got an opportunity to shine and it's for charity. He's in the running to be featured in the Central Texas SPCA 2012 calendar. A professional photographer in town donates his time to shoot the potential calendar models. Next, the photos are posted and votes are collected. Votes do cost money but this is the part I love. All the money goes directly to the shelter (since the printing of the calendar is donated) and is tax deductible. Votes are $1 each, 15 for $10, 25 for $15, 40 for $20, 100 for $40, and 150 for $50. I, of course, have already donated $50 to get Farouk's total off to a good start. Voting closes at midnight on June 17th.

If you'd like to vote for Farouk go here. While you're there flip through the pages to check out all the other adorable dogs and cats. All models are either pets or CTSPCA visitors waiting for their forever home. If you're looking for an addition to your home, be sure to check out the CTSPCA

On the jogging track to change

2011-05-31T14:36:00.000-05:00

Oh my - is this going to become one of those fitness blogs? Well I am tracking my workouts right over there on the right under "Motivation". I think this is the first time in a really long time, possibly forever, that I've exercised because I love it. Sure it's nice to get in shape, possibly get some muscles, develop a level of cardio that allows me to run through the airport without being winded and best of all wear high heels without them killing my feet and legs. But the best part of it all is how it's helped me mentally. I feel good about myself, good about my life, good about my 4:30 AM wakeup routine.

I've got a long way to go before I even match the blogs of Chic Runner or Wearing Mascara or the hundreds (maybe thousands) of other blogs out there. But I continue to read them all and get inspired.

When I get brave enough to run an organized run and blog about it, then maybe I'll be official.

I really should have something interesting to say

2011-05-28T09:54:00.000-05:00

When blogs go quiet, I always assume it's because the author is off experiencing real life and making frantic notes of all the real life things they can eventually blog about.

Sadly, I have been off experiencing real life but none of it has been note worthy, let along blog worthy. But to fill the pages of my blog I'm going to document some of it in hopes that I can make it blog worthy.

I'm still dancing around the idea of "liking" my current FB crush. He did cook me dinner one night last week but since then it's somewhat fizzled out. I have made it perfectly clear I'm interested. This is an interesting turn of events for me as I've always been the coy/shy girl. Well fuck it - I'm 40 and I don't have time to play games. I am all about honesty. I'm wondering if this honesty isn't working in my favor in this situation.

I'm still playing around with the idea of moving. The location of the move changes regularly. Do I move further out so I have the land I want? Do I move closer to town so I have the social life I want? Do I move to another town and really change things up? Do I move to another state and completely turn things upside down?

I'm doing my first 5K next weekend since I've started running/jogging/moving faster than a leisurely stroll. It should be interesting considering I haven't taken my fitness routine outside since I started it 2 months ago. I haven't told anyone I'm doing the 5K in case I fail at it. Going to the rec center every morning at 5AM has become a religious experience. I do force myself to take off 2 days a week but it's hard as I feel the need to do something physical every day. My mother says she can see a difference in my body. I don't see it and I think she's just saying that so I keep going to the gym. I think what she really means is "Please keep going because I'm loving not receiving middle of the night, hysterical phone calls from you."

Below is my handsome boy that keeps me sane. Say what you want, but I've had moments in my life where the only thing that has kept me going is knowing my 4 legged kids need me. My handsome boy was in a recent photo shoot and he'll soon be posted online for people to vote for him to appear in a fundraising calendar for the shelter that saved his life. He's driven me crazy at times but I can't imagine my life without him.

What a complete brain dump of randomness. I'll return in another month or so and do it all again.

Sentimental, not me.

2011-04-25T16:18:00.000-05:00

I once thought I wasn't an overly sentimental person. I don't have a lot of childhood memories (good or bad) and I sure don't have a lot of mementos of my childhood. Moving around a lot made holding onto material things a bit difficult. My mother held onto some of my early childhood artwork and I love it. I have several pieces framed and hanging in my house. I have a few pieces of baby clothing stashed in my closet. This weekend I cleaned out my office closet and found all the letters my mother ever sent me when I was in college and she was living in Indonesia. She had asked me to keep them as a record of her time over there. I also found a letter that my father had given me last year. It was (probably) the last letter I had written my paternal grandmother when I was a child. It was actually two letters - a letter from my mom and a short note from me. She had kept it in a drawer since 1978 and they found it after she died. It means a lot to me that she held onto it for all those years, especially since we really didn't have a relationship after that time.

My main goal for cleaning out the closet was to get rid of one box of things I had been moving around since 1993. I had every card, letter, note from the ex. With everything that has transpired over the last few months I had pulled that box out on more than one occasion and looked at the stuff. We had even talked about these items as apparently he had kept stuff from me (which I no longer believe). On Sunday, I sat down at my shredder and made some paper for my compost. I feel sick just thinking about it but it had to be done. My inner hippie is applauding my use of the stuff as filler for my compost bin.

In amongst all the things I found was a journal entry I had apparently torn out of an old journal that is now long forgotten and in some garbage dump. I'm not sure if I discovered the poem during a college class or just stumbled upon it during a day at the library. I thought it meant something back then but we all think we know everything when we're in our 20s. I'm just now starting to understand life and I've got a long way to go.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
~e. e. cummings

So let's see how that dating thing is going....

2011-04-21T09:43:00.000-05:00

When I last wrote on this blog and proclaimed to no one that I was tired of being single I'm sure all the world was holding their breath in anticipation of my next post. Well here it is.

I'm still single, still not dating and still wondering if I'll ever find someone.

I am ~~happy(?)~~ amused that a certain man invited me over at midnight one night last week. I'm sure it was just to watch some documentary on the Discovery channel.

I'm actually nursing a pretty damaged heart. Right around my declaration of being tired of being single someone from my past reappeared. I should have just walked away but I didn't because I'm a girl who wears her feelings on her sleeve. Instead I took some baby steps towards this person instead of my normal sprint. In the end I got burned and it's honestly made me question people in general. I still can't believe someone I've known for 20 years could be so absolutely cruel and mean. My step-mother asked me what I think hurt the most about the whole situation. I was an idiot and hinging my hopes on something that would probably never happen. But what hurt the most was that I was completely honest from day one and they weren't. I think he got a thrill out of the whole hateful situation. I use to feel sorry for him possibly being alone for the rest of his life. Now I just feel like that's what he deserves.

So to deal with my lack of dating I'm instead going to see friends this weekend out of town. I never go out of town except for business. I'm loading up the dog and some bottles of wine and I'm going to do nothing but drink and cry and drink some more and go to the beach with my dog. You know - things that don't require a lot of brain power.

Are you lonely tonight?

2011-01-22T15:50:00.001-06:00

Taking a big deep breath and getting ready to admit something. Funny that I'm admitting it to a blog that no one reads. Maybe one day I'll actually admit it to the real world I live in.

I'm lonely. I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of coming home to an empty house (well not empty as I'm sure the dog and cats would be offended if they could read this). I'm tired of spending my weekends alone. I'm tired of not socializing with another human being. I'm tired of thinking maybe, just maybe, I'm missing out on something.

So I'm ready to start dating. I said it aloud the other night and not a single man showed up on cue. That's my biggest problem - how do you meet single men? Especially single men you would actually consider dating? I have no single friends. The few friends I have in town are married. They don't have single friends. I'm surrounded by couples! Online dating? Been there, done that, hated it. It has been a few years so maybe things have changed? Of course now I'm 40 so I'm sure my pool of men to pick from has really dropped.

What to do, what to do...

The conversation every Mother dreads...

2010-12-13T21:29:00.003-06:00

Me - I can't do dinner with you on my birthday b/c I'm taking a pole dancing class.

Mom - You're taking a polka dancing class?

Me - No a pole dancing class.

Mom - A polish dancing class?

Me - No Mom! A pole dancing class. The apparatus in a strip club?

Mom - "laughing" Sometimes I'm glad I'm really hard of hearing.

Family dinners

2010-11-27T15:35:00.000-06:00

Do family dinners still exist anymore? I had another typical Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and step-dad. Typical equals my step-dad eating without speaking, insisting that the TV in the other room remain on, my mother and I being the only two speaking and my step-dad leaving the table as soon as he was done eating. Oh and throw in him sneaking food to my dog (which I DISLIKE). We've never had the TV or movie style family dinner which is everyone sitting around the table just talking while enjoying their meal and no one being in a hurry to go anywhere. I guess I should be grateful that this dinner wasn't like ones in the past where he isn't speaking to me or my mother and therefore he not only doesn't talk but also pouts during the meal.

I envy people who have family dinners, even if they only happen during the holidays.

Simple things

2010-11-24T14:48:00.000-06:00

Twice today I've encountered kids just happy doing the simplest of things. One was dancing to her own music with no care in the world. The other was eager to help me at the libary and then wanted to know if I was coming back to the window so he could help me check out my books.

This is one of the things I miss about not having children of my own. I would imagine having them around would constantly remind me to take it slow, don't worry too much about the future and just enjoy the moment. I sure don't look too stressed out in the picture below. My mother says I was a laid back, easy going kid who could easily entertain myself.

I'm going to go dance with Farouk.

Indra Baby

2010-11-13T19:46:00.001-06:00

This week sucked. Forget trying to find something positive about it. What started out as an innocent vet visit ended up with me having to go say goodbye to Indra while she was still under sedation. Cancer sucks in people and in pets, especially pets that have been with you for almost 14 years.

I adopted Indra from my vet and can still see her and her siblings in the little wooden cat cage in the waiting room. Rob (the vet) told me I could pick a kitten out and he would spay/neuter it and give it the first round of shots for free. Indra was the runt of the litter and so adorable with her spotted belly. How could I say no? I had been without a cat for a couple of years since Spangle had died. I knew Raquel (my dog) would love a cat of her own since she was always trying to play with the stray cats at the apartment complex. Indra came home with us immediately.

She ended up being far from a runt as she grew up. She and Raquel slept together in Raquel's bed. She tolerated all the other cats I eventually adopted, treating each one as her own and teaching them all manners. She was very "dog like" in that she would always come running to people and throw herself down at their feet and demand that her belly be rubbed. She taught Farouk to respect cats and took over his bed when she eventually moved into my bedroom fulltime. She was really the perfect cat and definitely the queen bee of the Tink household.

I knew she wouldn't live forever but I was convinced she would live to a really old age. The events this week came as a complete shock. In the end, even though I was doubting my decisions, I'm glad she passed away peacefully. We had cuddled the night before and played under the covers the morning before she went to the vet. She was a perfect angel during the drive to the vet's office and fell asleep with her head on my hand that was stuck in her carrier.

I love all my other cats like crazy but none will ever replace her. She had the softest fur, the biggest belly, and the best purr. She loved sleeping nose to nose with me and was always thrilled to see me, no matter if it had been 8 hours or 8 days.

My vet's office wants a picture of Indra to include in one of their exam rooms. I found the perfect picture frame and it will include the following pictures:

Indra on her first night home

Indra "helping" me get ready in the morning

Let's talk about sex..

2010-11-10T17:18:00.000-06:00

That title should get your attention. But I'm quite sure you are going to be very disappointed. Almost as disappointed as the ~~man~~ ~~guy~~ boy this post is about. I can't refer to him as a man or guy because he behaves like a teenage boy.

I dated a guy in college, who for various reasons, has remained in my life. He disappears for years at a time and then suddenly reappears. When you have the same e-mail address and use the same name as you used for your AOL account, it's hard to completely disappear. Throw in the Facebook revolution and you're suddenly found by people you don't want to remember! So for the past year he's been hanging around online - Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, etc. In a moment of stupidity several years ago I gave him my cell phone number. Apparently it was important enough for him to keep. Meanwhile I deleted his name, number, e-mail address, chat name, etc. from everything. He started contacting me again this year. At first it was harmless. It didn't help that I wasn't in a good place in my life at the time he was contacting me and I let myself get sucked back into his madness. Then he dropped a bomb on me - he's married. Miserable and counting the months until he can get divorced but married. Supposedly it's one of those "wealthy families get their kids together" type of marriages. Yeah whatever buddy.

Sunday night he sends me a text message asking how I'm doing. I ignore it at first and then respond that I'm doing fine and hope he's doing well too. (I've accepted this was my first mistake). Next thing I know he's texting me about his father who is ill. I adored his parents when we were dating and have always thought highly of them both. But as his texts continue, the light bulb of reality goes off in my head. Him texting me about his sick father is no different than him calling me in the middle of the night years ago when his mother died. I'm the go to girl when he needs comfort and compassion and he knows I'm a sympathetic person. Even someone who has treated me horribly in the past will get compassion from me when they've experienced tragedy in their life.

This isn't healthy and I've been torn on how to handle it. I am compassionate and hate to see anyone in pain, especially when it comes to their family. But I've also finally realized that that compassion has to go both ways. It never will with him. He's so selfish that he would never think of offering me the same compassion. Early this year my mother had major surgery. He texted me several times the morning of her surgery. I finally sent him a text that I couldn't talk to him because I was at the hospital waiting for her doctor to come out of surgery and let me know how things looked. It was months before I ever heard from him again and I found out he asked a friend of mine how my mother was.

How does this all tie back to the title? As he was texting me yesterday about his father I mentioned how sorry I was since both his parents held a special place in my heart. We spent several holidays with them and I really enjoyed their company. His response was to make a sexual reference to us having "relations" in his parent's house and how they might not think I was so special if they knew what a "naughty" girl I was when we were dating. Seriously? You're 40 years old and still can't have a serious discussion without throwing in some sexual reference?

My compassion and sympathy is better served by giving it to people who care and respect me. I just wish I had learned this years ago.

Buddhist thought that ties back to all of this:

"Just imagine if we all lived with no compassion, thinking only of ourselves. We would suffer greatly. The more you think of others, the happier you are."

I think Buddha would understand that my compassion for him is sadness in that he doesn't realize the suffering he is creating for himself.

Things that make me smile

2010-11-03T11:25:00.000-05:00

Daily I need to remind myself there are things that make me smile and briefly forget about my worries.

Today's list includes:

- seeing 6 kitty faces all sitting outside my bedroom door just waiting for me to get up (though I don't know why they are so eager to see me since they don't get fed in the AM)

- having my old lady Indra curl up in the crook of my arm and fall asleep

- knowing that CC Devine took advantage of me leaving the garage door cracked for her last night and finding her sleeping on the mat by the door into the house

- counting the number of red tail hawks I see on my way into work

- knowing that as much as my job isn't fulfilling me lately I'm still grateful to have work and a paycheck

- surviving my workout yesterday despite the fact I haven't pushed myself that hard in over 2 weeks

Broken chair = broken spirit

2010-10-28T15:36:00.001-05:00

Excuses, excuses. I've been under the weather (I wonder where that saying came from?) so writing hasn't been a priority. Today I was feeling a little better until near the end of a meeting the chair I was sitting in collapsed. The front legs completely bowed out and suddenly I felt myself sinking. Then my ass hit the floor. Luckily there were only 2 other people in the room, one of them being my mother. I knew I was slacking on my exercise but didn't realize all that slacking meant my ass would suddenly break chairs. What a way to boost my confidence.

I really need to get busy...

2010-10-24T15:29:00.000-05:00

with cleaning out my files, cleaning out my guest bedroom closet, getting the floors thorougly mopped, blah, blah. I also need to get busy with this blog. Sometimes at night I'll be laying in bed thinking about the days events and think to myself, "If only I could put that down in words it would make a great blog post." So I'm going to try to force myself to follow through on that thought. I was a pretty good writer back in the day. Now I'm just lazy.

Thank what?

2010-01-25T17:50:00.000-06:00

Saying thank you is a fading art. In fact manners in general are a fading art. My mother being in the hospital for the last 7 days has led to me saying a lot of thank you's. I thank everyone that comes in the room and does something for my mother. Housekeeping, the nurse's aide, the nurse, the on-call doctor, the physical therapist all get a thank you from me. Sadly some of them just look at me so confused. I wonder if it's because they don't think they did anything to deserve a thank you or they're just shocked to hear the words. One of the aides told my mother after I left that I was so nice and polite. She said she really appreciated the thank you's I gave her for bringing my mom sheets, checking her vitals, etc. Basically just thanking her for doing her job. While I know people are paid to do their work, there is still nothing wrong about saying thank you. For me it makes my day when someone thanks me for doing something, no matter how big or small. I know people in the medical field are frequently expected to do things with no show of gratitude from the patient or family. That's probably why I make an extra effort to thank everyone. But ultimately I just think they deserve it. Well, except for that one nurse who needs some guidance on personal hygiene. No thank you for him.

Want to come back to my hotel room?

2010-01-23T15:36:00.001-06:00

This week has been crazy. Rarely do I have a week where half way through it I'm having to pull out my calendar to figure out what day it is. This week I didn't know where I was half the time, let alone what day of the week it was. Monday was a holiday (it seems so long ago). Tuesday I was at the hospital all day waiting on my mother to get out of surgery. 4:00 AM - 9:00 PM is way too long to be awake. Wednesday was a day trip to Dallas for a presentation in Denton. It was another 4:00 AM - 10:00 PM day. I got so angry with myself (and Southwest Airlines' BlackBerry web application). I thought I could catch an earlier flight back to Austin so I rushed back to the airport and failed to get myself any lunch. Of course once I arrived at the airport I discovered the flight I thought I could get on only flies on Saturday. Southwest failed me! So I sat in the airport eating an apple and battling nerves in my stomach. Thursday was the same flight as Wednesday except I continued on to Midland. Due to the amount of work I accumulated while in the air and unable to answer e-mails, I did not get to see an old high school friend and his family that I've never met. A trip to West Texas without an relaxation is not a good thing.

Friday I left Midland bright and early and had a plane change in Dallas. That's where things took a turn for the worse. I was sitting in a relatively empty gate area, minding my own business, when suddenly I had the feeling of someone standing way too far into my personal space. I was at the end of a row of chairs and looked to my left. There stood a young guy just staring and smiling at me. He said hello like he knew me. Being that I do have manners I said hello back and went back to staring into space. He leaned down and started asking me where I was going, if I liked flying, etc. I suddenly was not comfortable. It's very rare that I'm uncomfortable in social settings. But this was different. This guy was so close to me and asking such personal questions that I knew something was up. He then asked if he could sit next to me. Mind you there were plenty of seats around me. The lady 2 seats over from me had her luggage in the seat so he then asked her if he could sit there. She moved her luggage and that's when it all got weird. Since I refused to engage in conversation with him he turned to her. She was foolish enough to talk with him. After a few minutes I determined he probably had some mental impairments. But that all went to the wayside when he yelled out, in a loud voice, "Would you come back to my hotel room with me once we land in Baltimore?" Instead of telling him he was inappropriate or getting up and moving, she continued to talk to him! She refused his offer but agreed to sit with him on the plane. I got up and moved and was in the process of heading to the gate agent to report him when they called for our flight to board. I figured once we were airborne it wouldn't be a problem. He boarded the plane for her, saved an entire row and frantically waved her down when she got on the plane. I noticed that she refused to sit next to him and read her paper the whole 40 minute flight to Austin. I also noticed that during the 30 minutes we were in the air he got up and went to each bathroom numerous times. I'm wondering if I don't need to monitor the Baltimore news station websites for him to pop up.

This all leads me to wonder, at what point do you walk away from a situation versus getting help? I use to be more of a "walk away" type person. As I've become older I've become more of a "confront the situation head on" type person. This doesn't always bode well for me.

Even though I'm going to win..

2010-01-18T13:41:00.001-06:00

And I will invite everyone to come visit me before I have to sell the property since I won't be able to afford the taxes, I am still encouraging everyone to enter the HGTV Dream Home sweepstakes. This year's home is totally my style and in a state I LOVE.

Memories of smells

2010-01-11T18:33:00.000-06:00

Last night I had another one of those "I never thought I would be thinking this" moments. I've started associating smells with certain memories. I don't have to actual smell the item. I can just think about the situation and suddenly I can smell the memory.

Last night as I was following my regular night time routine, I realized I have my mother to thank for the routine. I distinctly remember her night time routine. I could already be in bed but I knew as soon as I smelled the Vaseline lotion, she was getting ready to turn out the light and go to bed. They don't make that lotion anymore - it was the one in the yellow bottle with the distinct Vaseline lotion smell. It was such a comfort smell for me. The other comfort smell for me was my grandfather's Old Spice. It was the only thing he ever wore. Old Spice plus horse smell = LOVE. I would quickly fall in love with the first man to combine those smells for me. Do you hear that all you single horsemen? I'm a vegetarian but we can work through that!

The one other smell that reminds me of my childhood is incense. Not the fru-fru crap incense you can now buy. We're talking 1970 incense - patchouli mixed with a little something else. I remember that smell from my dad's house. We won't go into why that smell was always around. Just take a guess.

What smells remind you of your childhood?

I've got nothing

2009-12-16T20:38:00.000-06:00

but a massive headache, a head full of snot and body aches from hell.

Holidays bah humbug

2009-12-15T20:35:00.000-06:00

Maybe if I had children I could get into the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas). Instead I come to dread them every year. It's only me, my mom and my step-father in Texas and we see each other all throughout the year. That's what happens when they move less than 15 minutes away from my house. The rest of the family is on the East coast.

The holidays were fun when I was a kid. We would have a Christmas tree (those years we weren't living in a country heavily populated by Muslims) and Santa would come to visit. But as I got older my mother stopped putting up a tree or any other decorations. Santa tends to visit throughout the year so I don't expect presents on Christmas morning. My mom and step-father are impossible to shop for, although this year my step-father is getting Sarah Palin's book and he'll probably think it's the best present ever.

The main reason the holidays are such a downer has to do with my step-sister. She shot herself right before Christmas. In fact it was 2 days before Christmas, after returning from a holiday party she had attended with her husband. Even now, I can picture what happened even though I didn't witness the act. At the time we (mom, step-father and me) were living in Saudi Arabia. I don't remember details of how the call arrived about what had happened. I just remember being very sad that I couldn't go back to the US to attend the funeral plus at the time I was miserable with my overall life in the desert. I was in the 7th grade and suffering from major pre-teen angst. As is to be expected, the holidays have subsequently been very difficult for my step-father. However he refuses to deal with his anger/resentment/sadness/etc. Instead he is a walking time bomb during the holidays. Sometimes he's perfectly fine, sometimes he can blow a gasket because I put too much salt on the mashed potatoes.

My dislike of the holidays is more than justified.

This doesn't bode well for any New Year's Resolutions

2009-12-14T18:48:00.000-06:00

Well I've already lost 2 days of posting due to excessive forgetfulness (with a little bit of sleepiness on the side).

Saturday the weather was so "Seattleish" meaning I stayed inside all day hiding under a quilt and hating life.

Sunday was the complete opposite. It was sunny and relatively warm. I dosed up on Starbucks (caffeine for the first time in ages) and tackled my garage and backyard. I was far more successful in the garage - end of the year donations to Goodwill, labeling all the plastic containers and rearranging them all. I went to Home Depot and spent an hour looking at paint samples. I left with 2 different blues and think I may have actually found a color for the office. I've got the bookshelves already picked out from Ikea. Now I just need to paint before the wood floor is installed. After that I'm done - no more housework. I'm tired of house projects, especially house projects that involve massive amounts of money.

Today was the typical Monday. I took allergy medication before heading to bed and then proceeded to turn off my alarm this morning. Nothing like coming into work an hour late and still half asleep. I was so tired I even wore dress jeans to work. SCANDAL! Tomorrow is my review. I wonder if it will be mentioned?

Now I'm at home doing more work. While I'm glad people are taking all of next week off for the holiday, it makes it a bit stressful for those of us that aren't taking the week off. I have double the work to get done in one week.

Wah, wah, wah.

Just wait until I start breaking any New Year's Resolutions I'm stupid enough to set for myself.

Good excuse

2009-12-11T19:36:00.000-06:00

I was MIA yesterday. I knew it was going to be a crappy day when I checked in at the airport for my 9:55 AM flight and was told it was delayed 30 minutes and my 7:45 PM return flight was already delayed to 8:55 PM. NICE! Yes Virginia, it's true that weather outside of Texas can impact flights in Texas.

I ended the evening sitting in a hot, stuffy airport after having had 3 glasses of wine and a rich meal. I was also traveling with my boss. I seriously thought I was going to pass out. I ended up passing out on the very delayed flight but we had a person between us so I don't think he saw me drooling or twitching in my sleep.

Tonight I'm dealing with a massive headache (NOT related to the 3 glasses of wine last night) and a long list of things I need to do around the house, sooner than later.

Too tired to post

2009-12-09T20:52:00.000-06:00

And Crocus is too tired and cold to be bothered that she is sleeping right next to me on the sofa. Miracles can happen!

And there she goes. ACK - she realized a human was within petting area.

And now she's back but making sure to curl up with her back to me. That will definitely make me disappear.

Fostering is tiring

2009-12-08T21:12:00.000-06:00

Tonight's post will be short and sweet. Lately life has been so hectic I tend to think, talk and write in short bursts. Having a thought that lasts longer than a minute is something that rarely happens anymore. No wonder I can't write well or remember things!

I'm surrounded by illness - my own allergies (which are being addressed tomorrow), my mother's illness which is going to require major surgery soon (will know more after our Friday doctor's visit) and 2 sick foster kittens. First one brother and 2 days later the other brother. I spent the weekend taking care of them. I even slept on the tiled bathroom floor Friday night because I was so worried about NeHi. I'm still recovering from that. As I was trying to get off the floor Saturday AM, I remembered how it didn't phase me one bit to sleep on the bathroom floor while I was in college. Not that that happened very often!

So this leads me to my conclusion. I'm very tired, my back is killing me and I need to go medicate 2 recovering kittens who are upstairs screaming because they can't come out and play with the rest of the zoo crew. I'm signing off.

Wow she's back with stories of nothingness

2009-12-07T18:32:00.000-06:00

I'm so sorry little blog. I was spending time with you on a regular basis and suddenly I just disappeared. I don't have a good excuse. It's not like I went out and found a life. I just couldn't think of anything fun to share with you.

But now I'm back and I have to spend time with you every day starting today. Holidalies has forced me to reestablish my relationship with you. I hope it works out for both of us.

So today I was thinking about the upcoming holidays and any memories I have of them. Two really stand out in my mind. The first happened when I was probably around 4-5 years old. My mother and I were living alone in our house on Cherokee Trail in North Carolina (sad side note - the house is no longer there as it was destroyed during a hurricane long after we left NC. Somewhere I have a photo of the empty lot.). An old family friend, Rachel, had brought me a Christmas gift and it was under the tree. For some reason I was completely fascinated with the gift. I couldn't stop looking at it, touching it, shaking it, etc. Then a bright idea popped into my head. I could climb under the tree (in those days we had a real tree), sit in the corner, slowly peel off the corner tape and peek at the contents of the gift. I remember being so meticulous about removing the tape and making sure not to tear the wrapping paper. Slowly I opened up the one corner and...
And nothing - it was just a white box that didn't show me jack. What a waste of time! To this day I couldn't tell you what the gift was but I can tell you I was very disappointed that my snooping did not pay off.

The other holiday story revolves around my first Christmas in Brega, Libya. Yes, Libya. Not exactly the place a 7 year old wants to be for Christmas. We had just arrived earlier in the fall. My father had told me he had given my Christmas presents from Santa and him to my mom and they were shipped over along with all of our other possessions. The one gift I wanted more than anything was the Grease album. I just knew it was going to be one of my gifts. Guess what - it never made it to my home. Apparently in customs they decided the photo of Sandy on the cover was too scandalous. I've spent many a night wondering what Libyan custom agent took that album home and was rocking out to "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee".

20 years later

2009-10-18T20:15:00.000-05:00

Well I did it. I went to my 20 year high school reunion. And then I woke up the next morning with more grey hairs and a headache. How did that happen??

The event was great and there were a lot of walk-ins. I guess when you still live in the same small town you just make a decision at the last minute as to whether you are going to attend an event or not. I saw a few people that I didn't remember at all. I saw people that obviously remembered me because how else would they remember the correct pronunciation of my name. I felt like a schmuck that I didn't remember them. I had one boy (because face it if you knew them in high school they will always still be a boy) tell me I was beautiful and he couldn't understand why I was single. I was flattered especially since I now think he's so damn cute! Ah me and my skinny, cocky boy lust. I didn't have anyone question me as to why I'm still single. I figure with their small town values they either think I'm gay or weird. Or maybe both. I took no pictures which pisses me off but hopefully I'll show up in some pictures that other people are going to post. Or maybe once I see them I'll wish they wouldn't have posted them.

Now to begin my wild week of staying in a different hotel every night and traveling all over Houston and then on to Dallas. I LOVE my job.

The first 4Fs

2009-09-25T06:29:00.000-05:00

Here's my boring ole' fridge. It's got some good history behind it. When I bought my house the old owners were nice enough to leave me their fridge. It was in good shape and I was pleased to have it. Considering I had spent all my money on the down payment for the house, I didn't exactly have money to spend on appliances.

Fast forward to last year. I decided it was time for a new fridge. I did my research, shopped around and decided to purchase from Home Depot. For those of you that know my history with Home Depot, skip right over this part. The fridge arrived, the delivery guys damaged the door and I was left with "simple instructions" on how to get it fixed. Yeah - that didn't exactly work out. After a month of dealing with the delivery company (FYI - Home Depot outsources their deliveries and claims no responsibility for their work) and the store manager I had had enough. I did what comes naturally to me. I started writing letters to executives and trying to find ways to contact them directly. As luck would have it, my e-mail to the CEO at Home Depot got sent directly to him and he personally called me at home. Needless to say I ended up paying nothing for my fridge and got an additional $150 in gift cards from Home Depot. I still hate the company but love their CEO.

OK - that story had nothing to do with 4Fs. I got a little off topic.

Freezer Side

Refrigerator Side

Readers of this blog (if they are out there) may recognize their own art on my fridge. I also have magnets on my fridge that my mother owned before I was around (the 4 little owls on my refrigerator). And of course I can't forget the Petopia.com magnet picture frames. One of the many Internet companies that took off and then exploded during the dot com bust. St. Francis is all over my fridge and interestingly enough he looks different in every form. I also wondered if he's concerned that his prayer card is being held on my fridge by a magnet that promotes an annual party that he would not condone. There are 2 pictures of me - one as a toddler holding a toy phone while posing at Sears or Olan Mills. The other I look to be around 6 and I'm sitting on the lap of Santa. In case of a household emergency I have my "Grow a Handyman". Jenn sent that to me a couple of years ago and unfortunately all of my household emergencies have required more than he can handle.

The problem with social networking....

2009-09-24T20:47:00.000-05:00

is that sometimes I just get myself in trouble. I run into people that I really have no interest in networking with - either professionally or socially. Usually they are people from my past. OK - they are usually ex-boyfriends. I know, I know. People are shocked I have ex-boyfriends since I never date anymore. But they do exist. Instead of just ignoring them I usually end up engaging in some sort of online conversation with them. Next thing you know I'm angry and wondering where that anger came from since I thought I had worked through those issues. It makes me miss the days of no online social networking. The days when the only way you could stay in touch with someone was via phone or a lovely Halmark card. The days when you might have one too many glasses of wine and start wondering what ever happened to _____, only to start crying an hour later because maybe ____ was the one that got away. (I have to say none of my ____ were the one that got away. In fact they were all the ones I should have gotten away from sooner.)

I really need to start filtering myself. Good thing I have this blog to share my thoughts with.

Random observations

2009-09-19T20:19:00.000-05:00

Getting a facial is lovely. You leave feeling so relaxed and your skin feels wonderful. Unfortunately your skin is also glowing red and not exactly attractive. Plus your hair is a mess from the scalp massage. Oh well - no one ever said beauty came without a sacrifice.

I love going to the store on Saturday night. Everyone has already made the mad dash during the morning and afternoon to pick up everything for football time. Of course once I got to the store I had no list and no interest in shopping. So much for a productive trip. At least my skin looked good.

I need more art and more religious items for my collection. I also need a bigger salary to pay for both of these things. Considering my non-for profit job and worries about the budget, I'm guessing my collection will continue to remain small.

It's time for another dog in the Tink household. I really want a greyhound but it's got to be a female (Farouk only loves the ladies) and cat friendly. Finding that combo might be hard. I'm also considering taking Farouk with me to West Texas and picking up a dog at the Ft. Davis shelter. Considering they must have a harder time placing animals it would be a feel good gesture for me.

Today my mother reminded me that one of my cousins has a blog. I instantly thought about listing her in my blog list but after I read her blog I knew she would never read mine. We are oil and vinegar. Besides her religious background would cause her to keel over after reading my stuff. I'm just going to continue to be a silent lurker.

Thanks for letting me do a brain dump. It's all information for me and nothing exciting for you!

What happened to Fridge Friday?

2009-09-06T18:09:00.000-05:00

Well let's see. I had to make a quick trip to Victoria. I got sick while in Victoria. Then I had to deal with crisis e-mails at work while trying to drive back home from Victoria. All of this was going on in the midst of preparing for our Fall Conference that started on Friday. So Fridge Friday was pushed to the back burner. I've already got my pictures and commentary ready for next Friday. I know people can hardly wait.

I had to repeat my mantra "No one can make you angry. You can only allow people to make you angry." numerous times Friday afternoon and evening. There are still several people I work with that have bitter feelings about changes that occurred at my job earlier this year. I just don't know if they realize their comments are also a direct attack on me professionally. I think it just goes to show that no matter the number of years of education one might have, some people just have no common sense. I was sadly missing my boss and supervisor during all the meetings I had to attend. Once again I'm left "exposed" since I have no boss at the moment. I'm an orphan at work.

Facebook has brought a lot of people back in my life that I haven't seen or heard from in almost 20 years. It's also brought up a lot of old memories, some good, some not so good. The past few nights I've been having some wild dreams. I'm getting nervous about my upcoming high school reunion. I think no matter how old one gets, they still somewhat regress back to how they felt about themselves in high school when it comes time for reunions. I was an insecure girl desperate to be accepted and part of the "in group", yet I still wanted to be friends with the outsiders. It should be interesting to see both the outsiders and the "in group" next month.

Doctor, Doctor Show Me Your Fridge

2009-08-31T21:03:00.002-05:00

I wish it was the 80s and I was singing along to the Thompson Twins. Instead I'm getting ready to go to bed because I have an early day tomorrow. Hi my name is Thinktink and I have to have another CT done. I'm betting money it's once again inconclusive. I just love spending money that I don't have to only be told "We're not sure what your problem is."

On a more positive note (can there be one since it is a Monday?), I've decided to start a new trend on my website. I'm going to call it Fridge Front Foto Friday. Say that 10 times without stumbling over it a couple of times. I think what people put on the front of their fridge (it is ok to say fridge instead of refrigerator) says a lot about them. You can't tell me you haven't checked out the front of someone's fridge at one time or another. I'm going to kick off this event by posting a picture of the front of my own fridge on Friday. I hope everyone will come back to check it out. Maybe you'll learn something new about me just by that one picture. Then I hope I can get other people to participate by sending me in a picture of their fridge to be posted. I'll pick one picture a week to post every Friday. It's going to become the next cool thing to do online. Of course it's probably already being done by someone else but hey I'm too lazy to Google it.

Speaking of analyzing people by their fridge, you should check out Addie Broyles. She does a "What's in your fridge Friday" post for the Austin American Statesman. It's pretty interesting to see what "celebrities" don't have in their fridges. I seriously don't know how some of them survive. They must have some line items in their budget that are quite high for eating out.

Recognition comes in the form of....

2009-08-25T16:31:00.000-05:00

Today I was unexpectedly asked to be the ribbon cutter at the grand opening of a major insurance carrier's new call center. I was shocked, flattered and slightly underdressed. No business suit and high heels for me! I was wearing cute black capris, black flats and a purple button down shirt. Throw in the cat scratches and slightly swollen eye and I was looking like a charm.

Seriously, it was extremely flattering to me both personally and professionally. I'm finally doing the things I thought I should have been doing in my 20s. It's only taken me 10 years longer! I've really worked my ass off to establish a relationship with this company and hold them accountable for their treatment of both physicians and patients. If my previous boss was still around I doubt I would have had the opportunity to participate today. It also made me feel pretty good that people both on the state and national level know who I am and that eventually they may have to deal with me. Hell maybe they would even hire me one day! Not that I'm quite ready to sell my soul to the devil. Though having a better salary makes me feel a little more willing to sell out. Getting the house paid off, being able to pay for the pet's care all at once instead of making monthly payments to the vet, etc. all sounds so appealing.

Confessions

2009-08-22T15:33:00.000-05:00

I'm in withdrawal hell. After putting on 23 pounds and dealing with a multitude of other side effects no one wants to read about, I've decided to take myself off a medication. I'm seeing my doctor next week and telling her no more. I've never weighed this much in all my life, I have about a week's worth of clothes I can fit in, and the other side effects have made eating and sleeping both things that I can hardly handle. Today I have a headache from hell and last night I had the strangest dreams. How can something that is suppose to help your brain cause such horrible withdrawal symptoms? I can see why addicts say getting off something is so painful. I'd rather be moody, miserable and crying all the time versus the way I've been feeling over the last month.

Texas Tax Free Weekend

2009-08-21T11:30:00.000-05:00

Oh no! It's Tax Free Weekend. Time to avoid the stores. However this year they have added in school supplies. Anyone that knows me knows my love affair with office supplies. Pens and notebooks make me excited. If only I had time to use them to record my thoughts. I still think I'm going to go do some shopping at Office Depot. It's only 5 minutes from my house so maybe I'll ride my bike to justify spending some money. Oh and I could also use some new tax free shoes and tax free pants since casual dressing at work ends in 2 weeks.

Single and loving it?

2009-08-13T21:04:00.000-05:00

I noticed last night that all the e-harmony commercials on TV show "matched" couples. They never say "married". Can you imagine if you were "matched", agreed to be in the TV ad and then a year later broke up? Every time you watch TV you would see yourself advertised as the e-harmony "matched" couple. Yikes!

I did the online dating thing several years ago. A friend of mine (you know who you are) was single at the time and we agreed to do some speed dating together. Yikes! At least we could trade horror stories at the end of the event. I then did some solo online dating and met a few guys for drinks after work. One guy I even went out with a couple of times. I can distinctly remember sitting at Hyde Park Bar and Grill sharing a good lunch with him. We were talking about his kids and he just happened to slip into the conversation that he and his wife weren't so much in the process of getting a divorce as they were just separated and exploring their options. HELLO! I'm not an option! I never returned his phone calls or e-mails after that. In fact that was the last online date I ever had.

Then for a brief period of time in my life I had the friend with benefits. That was perfect for those lonely nights when I wanted some short term company. Alas he went off and fell in love and now has a lovely wife and children.

Now I'm getting closer to 40 and wondering if I'll ever date again. Right now I'm a nun without a first communion on my record. Not that there is anything wrong with that (ah a classic Seinfeld line). Tonight at happy hour some ladies and I were talking about dating. One is married, one might as well be married (long term, living together boyfriend), one is a divorcee and then there is me. The divorcee is out there testing the waters. She's having fun and exploring her options. Me? I'm home by 5:30 pm, in my pj pants and tank top by 6:00 pm, and watching TV or writing blog crap by 7:00 pm. In other words I'm boring! No wonder I'm single and loving it?

Temptation

2009-08-13T09:50:00.000-05:00

If I could wear a dress to work every day I would. I guess there is nothing stopping me from doing that except for the fact that I don't have enough dresses in my closet. Plus my lack of a tan does nothing for my legs. But still I love dresses. I especially love them since my weight is yo-yoing and a dress covers that up perfectly!

J.Crew is tempting me with this little number.

Clothes horse

2009-08-12T17:14:00.000-05:00

2 weekends ago I spent an entire day cleaning out my master bedroom closet. I have a huge stack of items to take to the Goodwill. Some of them are pretty damn nice but either my fat ass can't fit into them anymore or they just don't interest me anymore. I decided if I hadn't worn the item in a year I wasn't going to wear it anytime soon. All my remaining items were put on the Huggable Hangers I purchased through HSN. I love the hangers! They seriously reduced the space in my closet and now I have a lot more room to fill up with new clothes! The problem is I'm now left with over 100 plastic hangers. Did you know the Goodwill won't take them? A guy at work wants several of them but I've still got a huge pile of them upstairs. The environmentalist in me just can't throw them in the trash can. I'm thinking about taking them all back to Kohl's. If anyone local needs hangers (nice heavy plastic ones) let me know. No more wire hangers for people please!

Today I ventured North of town to give a lunchtime presentation. Wow - I always forget how dramatic small town fashionistas can be. The make-up, the hair, the clothes. What a great combo.

Wanna feel girly?

2009-08-01T14:16:00.000-05:00

Go out and buy this now! Or order it online with free shipping (SHIPKITS code for free shipping).

Sephora might actually make me into a girly girl. It only took me 38 years.

Tattoos and raw food

2009-07-31T14:41:00.000-05:00

I don't have any and frankly never thought I would want any. Lately I've been thinking differently. I want one, maybe two. But I don't know what design I want and I have no clue how to find a good artist. I'd like a ladybug for luck. I also love the old school birds holding a banner. I just don't want to copy another artist's work. Ah what to do. If only everything in my life was so superficial.

On a different note, I had some food today from the Whole Foods Raw Food bar. Right now it's about all I can handle. I had the most amazing No Tuna Salad wrap. Wow. It made me actually have an appetite. I'm shocked.

I'm back....

2009-07-30T17:05:00.001-05:00

Time to start using this blog (even if no one reads it). I've been home from work for the last 3 days. I just needed some time to work alone plus I've got my mystery illness back. I need to be on the Discovery Channel - what's causing the woman's ongoing fevers, aches, general crappy feeling? I always find it ironic I work in the medical field but I'm so skeptical of their treatment.

One thing with my night time fevers is the wonderful dreams I have. Night before last it was a dream about being chased by insurance company executives. Somehow I knew that springing a large pit bull from the pound would help me out. She and I were crouched down on the pound floor and my arm was being pinched between her and the wire cage she had been in. Then I woke up to find that I had somehow wrapped my arm into my iron headboard and that's why my arm was being pinched. WTF? Analyze that!

I've become the old lady I never thought I would become. I've been shopping from TV. HSN's siren song has made me purchase one too many items. Huggable Hangers, a new piece of luggage and a cute ring. Well at least the ring looked cute on TV. I'm still waiting on UPS to deliver everything.

I should have gone on that date with my vet

2009-02-04T17:02:00.001-06:00

Here's Zoe looking so cute and dainty. Now she's spending her days at the vet getting IV fluids and various medications. I sat down, did some math and figured she might have one cat life left out of her nine. Of course I also had to then search Google to understand where the nine lives legend came from.

Tomorrow will be D-day. Or more like E-day. New bloodwork will be run and a decision will be made whether to continue treatment or cease all treatment. I jokingly told my vet that I wonder what happened to the days of animals just peacefully dying in their sleep?

Several years ago my vet asked me out. In fact he asked me out several times. I declined, I wimped out at the last minute one time and finally he just said he would have to continue to have a crush on me from a distance. Today as he was complaining about the extra light for the ophthalmoscope not being charged I told him to hush, drink his coffee and not sweat the small stuff. All the staff cheered (as they always do when I put him in his place) and he laughed and hugged me and said "It's a good thing I never married you."

After giving him all my life's savings to treat my animals, the least he could do is marry me.

Currently reading - "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff" and trying to apply it to my life. It's hard to change your life but I know it's worth it in the end.

Thank you, I love you G aka 1st cards of 2009

2009-01-03T10:53:00.000-06:00

I have a confession. I'm addicted to making cards. Years ago I would have scoffed at the thought of making cards. That's "too crafty" or "too cheesy". Now I can't stop. I haven't gone so far as to buy my own supplies though I would really like to. I know I couldn't make enough money to do anything more than buy myself an extra lunch once a month but it would be fun to make them and sell them. However I must stop myself from doing that. Instead I'll just go over to C's house every other week and pay her to give me the supplies to make 3 of 3 different cards. One of my goals for 2009 is to get back in the habit of sending handwritten notes to people. The art of letter writing is dying and I alone am going to revive it! This of course means I have to leave the house more often than to just go to work so I have some exciting adventures to write about. I don't think anyone cares to know about the excitement of pulling up carpet and finding out the garbage man will take it which means I don't have to spend money paying someone to haul it off to the dump!

Accident Waiting to Happen

2008-12-28T11:11:00.001-06:00

That's my other name - Accident Waiting to Happen. As I get older I tend to hear that name more often. This week it was Tuesday evening when I got my foot caught up in the strap holding the stack of laminate flooring to the pallet in the garage. I was carrying a box of flooring in the house and next thing I knew I was falling forward. My knee took the force of the fall and unfortunately the force of the fall was the metal frame between the garage door and the house. Now I have another lovely bruise to join all the others on both legs and thighs. Thank goodness it is tights weather.

I don't know what happened that over the past few years I've lost all sense of grace. I can go do an hour workout in yoga, hold poses with no problem but the minute I try to walk somewhere I'm crashing into the corner of the table or falling down the stairs.

I think I need to work on my inner balance. Maybe that's another resolution? I'm always 10 steps ahead of myself in my head. I need to learn to slow down. Next thing I know I'll be admitting I need a life coach.

Christmas Eve Resolutions

2008-12-24T19:05:00.000-06:00

I've decided to jump the gun and make Christmas Eve resolutions instead of New Year's Resolutions. I never follow through on those resolutions so maybe this time will be different? HA!

I started it off today by buying a whole lot of classically styled clothes on super clearance (thank you Vera Wang for Kohls). Dressing better will mean feeling better? I'm already addicted to make-up (thank you Sephora for giving me a makeover last weekend) so now is the time to move on to the wardrobe.

I'm purging my closets of purses (I need an intervention because of the number I purchase), bed linens and coats. Less is more right? If only I had the time to put all the purses on e-bay. That could pay for more purses, or clothes, or Sephora purchases!